the lizard

i dreamed i was a lizard with a long white shiny tail and i made myself a sandwich while jesse james robbed the mail i found some ham and mustard in the desk of william mckinley but the mustard was a little low and so i spread it thinly boss tweed called my attention to a spider on the wall but the spider was no friend of mine and so i heeded not his call the queen wrote me a letter on which the maid spilled tea i knew that such things happened but not to the likes of me it has been my misfortune to live in troubled times woe and disappointment are the subject of my rhymes o you who ride on snow white steeds and in carriages of gold save your dimes and nickels so that your fortunes my be told do you remember the governess who stole your favorite doll? she tells fortunes down on main street and waits for you to call if you were a nicer person you would favor her with your trade but on second and third thought some things are better left unsaid

the lion

lambs eat grass lions eat lambs humans shoot lions and send urgent telegrams i shot my first lion the telegram reads he thought he would live forever but i was waiting in the weeds the look on his face when he breathed his last was absolutely priceless but the sky was overcast a buzzard circled overhead with a knowing wink i went back to base camp and mixed myself a drink the days go by and we fill them as we can i will see you in london in september, old man by then the nasty rumors will all have died down and we, who will live forever will reconquer the town

thoughts on a cloudy day

rich people have more money than poor people beautiful people are better looking than ugly people young people are younger than old people and don’t know what it was like how about you? do you know what it was like? you can’t get there from here well, maybe you can, you can try it but don’t say i didn’t warn you some days it rains some days it shines some days it doesn’t pay to get out of bed it’s a long road that has no turning you can’t fight city hall but you can throw the rascals out it’s time for a change a new day is coming you heard it here first but don’t get your hopes up the clock is ticking they don’t make them like they used to they said it couldn’t be done they could be right, they could be wrong a broken watch tells the right time twice a day that’s all for now my name is joe but tell them jack sent you don’t mention my name i think your mother is calling you she wants you to shine her army boots and so’s your old man that’s all for now i already said that, didn’t i?

the snake

i was born by the river in a little shack i wanted to conquer the world but couldn’t get on track i found a bag of gold in a hole out back and got a ride to town from a guy named mack he left me at the station at fifth and main mixed emotions swirled around in my brain the feelings i had were hard to explain but with the bag of gold i got on the train ckickety clickety clickety clack no one suspected what i had in my sack i bought a ticket for the very last stop at the stroke of midnight off the train i did hop the moon looked down with a wistful frown i put my bag on my shoulder and entered the town the streets were filled with men with guns but i did not know anyone i was accosted by the famous jack slade i looked in his face and was not afraid you look like a tenderfoot, he said give me that bag or i will shoot you dead i handed it over without a qualm knowing i would never come to harm slade opened the bag and a snake popped out he had no time to even shout the snake hardly made a sound and slade fell to the ground the rounders witnessing the scene turned various shades of green the hour has come at last i heard black dan riley gasp the owlhoots all drifted away and night slowly turned to day the end is quickly told the snake did not turn back to gold i was left with no cards up my sleeve and a story no one will believe stranger, take pity on me all i wanted was to be free i grasped at the ghost of a chance but only devils can dance