phil tried to pull himself together
and asked if it mattered whether
at this point if he lived or died
he was almost at the end of his ride
how much worse off had he been
than other children of sin
who had dreamed and loved and lost
and on the scrap heap been tossed
phil sucked in his gut
if bill found him, so what?
all bill could could do was kill him
and his existence was already dim
o so easy to say!
but one more, one more day!
one more day without a prayer -
but on your skin the living air
phil stopped and looked around
silence was all he found
the dark streets neither friendly nor cold
had heard every story ever told
his panic was suddenly gone
it was almost dawn
he had run through the streets for hours
ignored by all cosmic powers
on the corner was a little cafe
with a sign - open all night and day
phil went in and took a seat
he was suddenly totally beat
he ordered a cup of joe
as the world around him spun slow
and a slice of blueberry pie
which tasted a little dry
phil had totally given up
staring into his coffee cup
with a dull eternal shame
when someone called his name
who could it be ?
he was lost but he was free
though his guilt had been substantially accrued
he could enjoy it in solitude
phil turned and saw a face
in which there was no trace
of anything but good cheer
brought on by oceans of whiskey and beer
aren’t you phil, phil jones? asked the bum
who used to play steel drums
in a vacant lot behind kaiser park
at night, when it got dark?
that is not i, said phil
smiling with a desperate will
my name is neither phil nor jones
and i walk the earth alone
the bum responded with a shrug
peace descended on his scarlet mug
his response to phil was muffled
as away into the night he shuffled
phil was in a state of shock
he felt like a pool in which a rock
had been dropped from a great height
as ripples expanded in the light
of an exploding full moon
phil’s brain played a screaming tune
who was that stranger so affable
with his implications so terrible?
phil had been recognized
he thought he had been so wise
drifting faceless beneath the tide
had he ever been able to hide?
time goes by, phil told himself
everything gets dust on a shelf
the bitterest memories
finally blow away in the breeze
was bill still alive?
and if he was did he thrive?
had he forgotten emily brown?
was he the mayor of his town?
phil asked himself these things
he knew the night would bring
dark and twisted dreams
unlit by moonlight beams
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