Friday, April 22, 2016

not that

morrison happened to be at the f—— — — club when the unfortunate dustup occurred between caldwell and burnaby, and after a few meaningful glances from the other members who were present, he attempted to negotiate a truce between them.

caldwell assumed his usual air of slightly self-satisfied indifference, as if to say, “come now, is this really worth arguing about?” - his habitual pose after deliberately provoking someone in his sly way.

but what, really, could good old morrison do? after listening to both sides, he cleared his throat snd addressed burnaby -

“well, old fellow, i agree that caldwell here could have been a little more tactful - i might even venture to say, a bit more gentlemanly in the way he expressed himself - but after all, we are not children here, to cry about hurt feelings, eh? i suppose one member of the f———— club can express himself in a forthright fashion to another member, can he not? and on any subject he pleases, eh?”

“but not about that!” burnaby cried wrathfully. “not that!”

and despite’s morrison’s effort to restrain him, he rushed out the door, down the stairs and into the street, where a steady rain was falling.

poor jeffsworth had to be despatched after him, to give him his hat and umbrella.

although the incident was never spoken of, the feeling of good fellowship at the f—— — — club had been irretrievably punctured, and the club began its slow decline.

sometimes, on rainy afternoons, i can still hear burnaby crying - “not that! not that!”

Monday, April 18, 2016


call me a carnivore, call me a bum
but everything is yum yum yum
my shoes are scuffed and my suit is not neat
but everybody needs something to eat

as earthly creatures walk through dust
and to survive do what they must
to get the energy to move their feet
some are eaten that others may eat

oh how my senses quicken
at the thought of deep fried chicken
and how my soul doth quake
at the dream of a thick steak

o vegetarians so solemn
i just take’em as i swallow’em
and prelapsarians so stern
please let me take my turn

with philosophers and fools
at the banquet of molecules
some called living, and some not
some ice cold, some piping hot

i shove them down my throat
with a half-remembered quote
from a suave gourmet who stated
that all to be devoured are fated

the universe is one big mouth
draining its glass from north to south
chewing itself from east to west
without rest

so let the hot sauce burn
for some day your own turn
at the celestial barbecue
will come due

Sunday, April 17, 2016

out of the woods

people are bad, they should be good
once they lived in an enchanted wood
and listened to the voices of witches and elves
but now they just want to be themselves

and so they burnt the forest down
and packed their bags and came to town
and sit in rooms and watch television
and never know what they are missing

but what they are missing who can say?
as i was saying just the other day
if only i was a movie star
and had a rolls royce with a built in bar

and everyone in the world was my friend
and the good times would never end
what would i have to look forward to?
i would still be sad and blue

wouldn’t you?
and yet it’s true
i would get no sympathy
just because i was me

and not people who were not myself
how i wish i could be an elf
or a witch in a forest dark
or a dog being walked in a park

by a human who wants to get back
to cut himself some slack
and just stare at the ceiling
because the world has lost all feeling

i am sorry if i lost my train of thought
sinking in civilization’s rot
my soul has been sold and bought
and all is what it once was not

Friday, April 8, 2016


humans are strange creatures
with many curious features
they have two sides to their brains
a fact difficult to explain

the two sides are at war
but do not know what for
and why humans do the things they do
no one knows - strange but true

a human could get by
with some water and a patch of sky
a banana to ward off hunger pains
and a tree to sit under when it rains

instead, in many instances
they choose to spend their brief existences
forming empires and nations
and heeding prophets’ stern orations

to rise against the things that are
and listen to voices from afar
the voices of creatures who never die
but live forever beyond the sky

in such ways they fill up the minutes
that flow through the world while they are in it
it may seem curious from afar
but that is just the way they are

o you from galaxies far flung
and universes no longer young
who are you to judgment render
on human life so soft and tender?

their life, like yours, is only smoke
and if they treat it as a joke
or matter for the deepest sorrow
it will all be the same tomorrow